THE NEED FOR MAJOR CHANGE; (AND HERE GOES THAT PROCESS)

THE NEED FOR MAJOR CHANGE;
AND HERE GOES THAT PROCESS

Today I threw out all of my past writing. Not because I wanna forget about the past but because I need to move on. All my writing was in the past was a sea of woe is-me's. I didn't realize how much I was holding on to; old love letters and poems and songs I wrote for a man that I have been broken up with for almost 4 years now! A man that I stayed with for six more years after he had cheated on me with an ex of his the second year into our so called relationship. That's not all I sifted through and tossed. I found letters that I wrote to my father while he was still alive and never mailed to him. What in the fuck was my subconscious up to? I found letter upon letter that my mother wrote to me over the last almost eleven years… letters I had never even bothered to read. So I read 'em.

I have been missing out on life altering opportunities by holding on to things that don't matter and not embracing the things, (and people)… that DO. I have attached myself to people and bars that don't care about me and got fat and sad and angry from that.

My apartment is a mess because I have made a mess of my life. I took the bigger view of my apartment this morning and saw, for the first time what I was as a human being. WHERE I was… in my life.

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