This last month... and the month before:

A few months ago, I had a Urinary Tract Infection. I had to leave early from work one shift and miss out on another shift because I could barely even stand up and kept rushing to the restroom with urgency... and each time, no pee would come out. I am really glad that the owner, (my boss, of course) of the establishment that I work at, and had only been working at (at that time) for only a mere month is a nurse, also. She told me that she understood and that I should get antibiotics immediately.

... and so I did.

I went to the venice family Clinic on Rose street an hour and a half before my shift ended that day.

I waited for almost two hours before finally being called, which sucked ass, because my vagina was burning and I had to piss like a race horse, but was never able to for over 48 hours.


Anyway, I was finally called in. They took my blood pressure: said it was way high. They took my blood work: said it would be back in three weeks. They asked me for a urine sample: I asked them if they were stupid. (Those were, of course, nurses that barely spoke any English and had not even read the stack of paperwork that I had to fill out upon my arrival... informing this clinic that I, again... 'could not pee.")


Eventually, four hours later, I was greeted by a "doctor." She was actually terrific, or so I thought. She was "nice" and seemingly "informative." So... after just 3 minutes, she concluded that I have high blood pressure, but did not prescribe anything for my "condition." She recommended that I see a therapist because she concluded that I was depressed. ( I knew that.) She also told me, (yay... finally!...) that I , in fact did have a Urinary Tract Infection. (It's about TIME !)

And so she prescribed me the necessary antibiotics for what I came there for in the first place.

THEN, folks, she asked me (afterwards) when my last period was and when I was to expect my next occurring period. I then said, my last period lasted 4 days in total and I was to expect my next period any day now because I was 9 days late. That's when she said this; " could you be pregnant?" I then replied, "shouldn't you have asked that (before) I gave my teensy pee sample a few hours ago... uhhh, so you could test it? " (AND...) "I thought you tested my urine sample. You guys here should (know) already that I am not pregnant."

She said, "Well, okay, yes, you are not pregnant, we do know this. But were you afraid that you were in fact or could be pregnant, even?"

I said, "Well, yeah, I (am) LATE, duh!"

That's when the doc offered me several "birth control" options...

Pill? (no way !)
Condoms? (guys hate 'em... no way!)
The patch? ( it's sticky, leaves residue... and I will feel like I am quittin'.)

"What else you got?"

"THE SHOT? ," she asked. " Have you heard of the Depo Shot?"

I told her that I had heard of it before, but to tell me more about it. So, THIS is what she tells me about "the Shot:"

"You will have probably about only three periods a year, it's great!"

(Aaaaand... that's when I said, " SIGN ME UP!"


(She did not tell me that you gain weight, or that you turn into a phsyco-bitch, or that you will have your period for over a MONTH... when you DO actually get it! Plus the cramps, plus that raging hormonal bullshit!"

I wish I could sue that clinic, but I cannot because it would be detrimental to the care of many, many others whom are in great need of it's services. But, I should have been warned of all of the possible side effects of this sht BEFORE I recieved it... Not paperwork... telling me all about it, once the damage had been done.

I do not excuse my behavior, nor am I trying to validate any of if... the behavior that was the innitial cause of the brake-up between myself and the man I had been dating for the last two years. Sure, I wanted to go anyway... and we had (tried) to have discussions about just that. But I wanted to remain FRIENDS with this person... move on, delicately, even though our situation was verbally and emotionally brutal, and at times, physical. I wanted to have a whole "sit-down" with this person. But I couldn't. I got that shot, and had the WORST cramps ever and turned into some weirdo-person, whom I myself... do not recognize.

I lost that opportunity.

I have no idea who I was for the first two months after I got that "shot." I am embarrassed, completely, from what I have heard.

I must add THIS, though: I am an alcoholic. I have blackouts and tell horrible lies when I am drunk.... but never in a million years would I believe that I was ever capable of doing some of the things "HE" (claims) I did... to make him feel justified in sentencing me to live in my car all alone.

I hope that he is telling the truth... and not just trying to get me out of his house... because (that... would be a huge disappointment.) But I still do not know what is real, either. I have been living in a fantasy world. I had been thinking it's the end of the world, vs. being grateful for what I have had all along... and I have also been thinking everything's A-Okay... when... it really is not.

I need to GROW THE FUCK UP ALREADY !

(... to be continued...)