WHAT DO I DO (NOW?)

So, I spent 18 days and nights living in my car. A few other nights sleeping at so-called friends' apartments. One night at a true friend's place... THEN... back at "his" place.

I have been back for about three weeks now. I have been trying to "make it up to him" for what I had supposedly "done."

I missed my cats. I missed being able to watch tv, nap, lay naked on his roof-top attempting to achieve a tan... and yes, I (did) mis HIM. Call me bonkers, but I really did.

I know that I should be "moving on, after everything that happened, but I really (do) like the guy, thorns and all.

I have dramatically reduced my drinking habit. It wasn't hard to, actually. I have found that if I stay away from "the hard stuff" and stick to white wine, I am actually JUST a horny, pleasant drunk, VS a horny... VILE, asshole-drunk.

My drinking has ruined most of my friendships and EVERY relationship I have had in the past.

... but that's the past, right?

Now is the present, and all I want for myself is a semi-content future.

I met a guy earlier tonight. He was tending bar at a joint I had never been to before. He is really handsome. From Texas. Lived in New York City for four years. He was very sweet towards me, and (really fucking hot!) He would never be into me, or so I thought. I mean, I walk like a penguin after getting struck by a car a year and a half ago. (Who would like me?)

(I hope THIS guy does.)

(I am smiling right now.)